Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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