hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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