So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
