they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
