Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
