she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
