it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
