I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
