so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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