After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
