I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
