I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
