It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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