There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize