Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
