i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
