I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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