Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
