my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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