You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
