Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
FUCK WHALES
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
