There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
