How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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