JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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