So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
