You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
