Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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