just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
