if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
