So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
