Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
