Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
