I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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