Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
