Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize