the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
