They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
