I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
