Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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