I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
