Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
