Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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