we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
