I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
