It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
