if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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