I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
