All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
