new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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