Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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