Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there's paper in my vomit.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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