had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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