i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
