i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
