So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's just like the Real World with babies
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
