She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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