My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
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