Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
