I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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