Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
