; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
