come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
