the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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