I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
