My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
