We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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