Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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